If you want mangoes...

Carolina says “you’re not going to get mangoes from an apple tree, if you want mangoes plant a mango tree”. I smile because I feel so connected to her in this understanding, this optimism… So much choice.

We watch Sex in The City 2, really just to see the girls and NYC. We talk about men, mostly what we think it means to be a man. We are four women. Over pizza Dana says she wants to be a good role model, and I think I hope to be like her when I am that age, not that I am far off. Pizza brings up relationships too and I am inspired by those who work hard but can see my energy for this is low. Rachel opened her home to me in a way that made feel completely at home, my friend karma is over the top.

From the top I can see the other side, more so I can feel the other side. I feel on the other side. I feel at home here in the beautiful bedroom listening to the children in the bathroom, they have been in there for some time. Sometimes I have wondered what these last years have been about, what this confusion has been about. I have the feeling of taking rest after the practice. You can take rest anytime but it never feels so good as after you have done your full practice. The peace, the gentle buzz that comes over the body, the feelings of floating off the earth, for me these are the sensations of taking rest. I feel as though the last 4 years have been this amazing, long, challenging, rewarding, and expanding practice. Now I feel the buzz of rest, the gentle lift from below. After the work of India and the closing of a chapter in Calgary I can feel the center of my center, I can see what I want. While desirelessness is something to move toward it can feel very refreshing to have desires, to want, to move about. I love Calgary and am happy to have had the chance to live there and be saved by friends there so many times. Leaving I had only to regret that I did not plan the visit for longer but this is a pattern I see clearly inside myself. I must also say that I really really loved by bike and smile so big when I think so cute Em riding around town on it. Everyday I receive more love then I give and this inspires me to be more loving and generous with my smile.

I will spend another week in MI then on to the next chapter, the next season of this amazing life.

Thank you I love you.