I met Misha my first trip to India when I stopped in for a snack at Shangri La. I took one look at his face and knew more then I had ever known anything that my life as I knew it was over. We were married shortly after that day. It was the first time I felt a deep connection and true remembering on meeting someone. I feel blessed for having had such a big love over so many lifetimes. I will save you the middle bits, as it would only be half the story anyway. I have been divorced now longer then I was married, this seems strange to me. I tell you this because something inside me has been broken since some time during the marriage and properly shattered during the divorce. Some days I did not have the strength to get up off the floor, on those days Kristen would come over and lie on the floor and cry with me. Since then I have wondered if I would ever be the same, or even close to the person I was the day I met him.

I am not sure there will ever be a time when thinking of that day does not make me cry a little but I feel better now. I walk down the street and notice that I am smiling, once it was always this. I feel like all things are possible again like I can do anything I want, this is the person I remember. We are always changing, growing I hope for all of us. I read more of the Dalai Lama each day and do believe that compassion and helping others is the way to happiness and to lasting peace. I feel better tonight.

In coming to India I gave up things that meant the world to me, not knowing what I was going to find. The truth is it was me I was looking for, to get back what I lost years ago. I have always believed that India gives you exactly what you need. I have been met with a kindness from Sharath that I never imagined, friends to laugh with, and much needed time alone. I take full advantage of all of theses each day and am much stronger for it. I knew as we sat by the river in Hampi that the world was just as it should be, that I would be fine and perhaps even more.

I know I could have more money if I were working instead of getting up at 3am for yoga, having 2 hour lunches, and spending the evenings in mediation. Money however is the sort of thing you can lose and I feel I this I never will. “This” being the ever increasing understanding that if I practice all things really are coming.

I will never be the person I was before but I can feel a new version of her coming on. I feel a deep sense of gratitude and joy. Thank you, I love you.