“Thoreau died in 1862. When a friend asked him on his deathbed if he had made his peace with God, he responded, more like a Zen master than a Transcendentalist, that he was not aware they had quarreled.”
1865 John Wiess said of Thoreau
“His countenance had not a line upon it expressive of ambition or discontent; the affectional emotions had not fretted at it. He went about like a priest of Buddha who expects to arrive soon at the summit of a life of contemplation.”
All these practices to create space, to cultivate the inner field of consciousness. Developing the ability to see the self in the moment, this is why I sat down today. I sat and listened to Sarah Powers. When I sit like this I hear one of the voices inside saying that i should be doing some more challenging type of meditation. Now, I am able to meet theses voices inside with awareness of their prescience, compassion, and no desire to make them stop. I have learned how to smile and love myself. At the last retreat with Tenzin Thuman he said “First step on the path to realizing your potential... Learning to love yourself in a really special way.” How much space is there in that! Not first step to enlightenment just the first step to seeing possibility. This is mostly all I need, just a step. A point in the direction of seeing through the shit and happening upon the little ray of sunshine as it peeks over the top of the mountain, you get a glimpse that there is infact a path.
I love “summit of a life of contemplation” again let off the hook of having to know anything. That this life is contemplation, that I don’t have to come to any conclusions, I can just be curious. That reading, sitting, asana, yamas & niyamas, they can all lead to a greater desire to understand. That a personal belief system can be fluid.
As I continue to observe what happens when I try to cultivate the place inside to hold death I am inspired by so many lives. To look at how others have lived in their pursuit to understand what this life is, to live and die in the lucid way Sarah talks about. I look for my Walden Pond in Brooklyn. In this space shared with so many. Constantly negotiating with masses of people and seeing how I can best show up for these sentient beings. I admit it escapes me most of the time, how to look after oneself and hold space of others to see themselves and grow. But I do see some hope and I have learned better how to take mindful breaths and check with my inside world when things in the outside world seem to be going crazy. To take some time and see the inner climate and motivations before I take action. Some freedom is there.
“Depend upon it that, rude and careless as I am, I would fain practice the yoga faithfully,” he (Thoreau) wrote H.G.O. Blake in 1849. “To some extent, and at rare intervals, even I am a yogi.”
All quotes taken from “How the Swans Came to the Lake”.
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