Shiva runs this town.

This morning I sat on the bank of the Ganga watching the burning ghat. My phone rang and it was a very dear very old friend. I sat and we talked. We spoke of fire, letting the burning bodies in, god, and apples. As I watched a new body being laid on the fire I felt the anxiety in my chest begin to soften. Our decisions are not so important.

Yesterday at brunch we talked about Ashtanga, Vipassana, and how physical pain makes us better- allows us to move through. We believed in that moment that nothing is an accident, that if we are open to it each experience each person has so much to teach us.

I have been wandering these alleys these tiny streets the way I hope to wander the inner workings of myself. To walk with open eyes, so much wonder and curiosity. Yesterday was magic, this morning has already shown me a new depth of suffering and the hope that lives just inside. I feel the moments when I push back when I run into myself more quickly now. The subtle becomes more obvious. “Don’t worry,” I said “I am taking it in for you”. He said he could feel it, feel the Divine Mother. I go now for some chai and then we are off to Sarnath.

Sarnath is where the Buddha gave his first speech after enlightenment, about 1 hour from my guesthouse. The burning ghat is directly next to my guesthouse. On my train here I had a dream about chocolate and when I woke a man walked by and said “Cadbury chocolate?” India also gives chocolate. Sitting beside the Ganga watching the bodies burn I feel very looked after, when you know how it ends its not so scary anymore.

Om Nama Shivia