Sometimes I think about writing you and telling about the colors of the sunset, of how the sky can look so different one moment to the next. To tell you how I feel one moment to the next.
There are moments when I feel like telling you that I prefer the Hindus to the Catholics, how you should not fuck around with devotion.
I think about 5 buses taking 7 hours and what I could write to explain the smell of it all, the feel of India’s dirt covering my face. Hiding finished.
Some of the time I think it would be nice to write about the walk to the shala in the morning. The possibility of being followed by the dogs, walking into the clothes lines, tripping over a rock, and there are always the bits of good luck left by the cows. Mostly it’s just me though, going to face myself again. Secretly hoping to see something different, something softer. So there is always that.
If I were to write about love and the way it breaks us in two or if not so lucky into a million pieces. How some things we walk away from follow just inside the shadow, sometimes I turn around. How love can take you high, show you things only seen from its heights. How inspired I am from those with scars still climbing.
How packing for a weekend getaway means tying my wet bikini to the outside of my little pack and setting off.
But I am not sure what you would think then. So for this I sit with the silence, everyone is silent as the sun drops below the horizon. We sit together at night as we moved together in the morning, all of us together growing. I felt there was something very special about the sunset ritual but it was not until a dear friend said it this way that I was able to make the connection, understanding our connection. I have extended my time here for this week and next, and extended my trip till the 25th of March as my visa expires on the 26th. It has all seemed a bit easy and I can here real India calling my name. After Kino and Tim I will head to Mumbai (Bombay) then Varanasi and finally Kolkata (Calcutta) where I will spend my birthday. I need a long long train journey and I think this will do nicely.
If I were able to share with you what I have learned here it would have more to do with surrender then anything else. Some asanas have changed and so has the color of my skin but both matter very little. I talk to Rolf about sensations and he tells me about crying. I learn my limits and feel out the boundaries I need to be healthy.
The practioners here are different then I have seen anywhere else. There is very little of the Ashtanga type A push push bullshit, no competitive energy. People are kind to each other and really take care of each other here, I have been blessed beyond measure. I walk into the Shala in the morning and receive many smiles and kisses. We all sit around and stretch before the 5am start, stretchy time Tim and I say. I do my Marci special routine and then sit silently for a while. When Rolf walks in everyone smiles. We make our way to standing for the prayer and opening chant, he thanks us when it’s finished. I do not know that I have ever connected with a more peaceful soul.
I think this is all I can say for now, computer time finished.
xo
